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People write diaries. Their diaries describe their personality. I write on my blog. It describes me way too well. :D
My writing takes me places my mind never wanted to go
Everyone writes. From the ink of their thoughts, by the pen of their mind on the page of their face. Everyone writes.I love to write. It is a passion; a compulsion; something that gives me an avenue to express myself. I write when I am happy; when I am sad or when an issue touches my heart. I find inspiration to write in every aspect of life.
This blog is dedicated to anything and everything that fills my thoughts and occupies cranial space

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Do you know

Do you know what the saddest part about moving on after a breakup is?

It's not putting a fake smile on your face at 1pm and laughing and giggling with your friends, telling then that you're perfectly fine and that you don't even care about anyone now, when your eyes keep on searching for her just to get a single glimpse at her face.

It's not those 1am sobs that you try to muffle into your favorite pillow that is now covered with your tear stains. Your pillow knows your story like no one else does, and has tenderly locked in itself every emotion you've ever poured out.

It's not the 3am breakdowns, when you cover your mouth with your hands to make no sound and your insides are howling, wanting to scream the hell out, even when you have no strength left in you.

It's not the talks you secretly have with her picture, confessing everything that you never were able to say otherwise. You pour out every story that you've wanted her to listen to, your every experience and your love for her.

It's not about holding a blade in your hand and wanting to end all the chaos altogether at once.

It's not your heartache when you want something that you very well know you can never have.

It's not when you look into her eyes, smiling like nothing has happened, when it is shattering you from the insides, making you bite your lips to stop yourself from breaking down.

It's not spending your nights starting at the blank walls of your room, imagining the countless possibilities you had together, and waiting for that one message from her which never comes.

It's not when your heart races and swoops down into a well of remorse and disgust for your own self after seeing her with him, loving him with all her heart, doing everything that you'd wished for.

It's not looking in the mirror and asking yourself why it wasn't you again and again, and then feeling worthless and telling yourself that you'll never be good enough.

It's not when you push everyone away because you think you're a broken piece of glass, sharp enough to hurt anyone who comes close to touch you.

It's actually when you realize that all that has led to this was a lie which you already knew about. And you end up  hating yourself, but you miss the lie and question the truth of the feelings it had given birth to.

Saturday, February 04, 2017

In an year

the one that broke me,

Usually, letters carrying warm words and warmer intentions start with "I hope this letter finds you well."

I, on the other hand, hope this letter doesn't find you at all. I am simply writing this so the words I have held captive in my being for countless months, can finally breathe. 

When we met, you were a wonder that I couldn't help but to fall in love with. Your words were carefully and perfectly strung together, but I was blinded - I couldn't see the rope of lies slowly coiling itself around my body, until I was yours to use, abuse, and throw.

I couldn't escape.

Your absence made me wary, just as depicted in captivating movies and even better novels - I would sit by the window, tears rolling down my cheeks and wonder why I was the one who had to endure such pain.

The physical pain you gave me was nowhere near comparable to the emotional pain - for it had no cure or medicine. You will find, (to your delight, I may add) - that countless chemists now know me as the boy who walks in crying, night after night, complaining of heartache, headache and asks for sleeping pills.

You might be wondering the purpose of a letter like this. I do not wish to expose you and your questionable intentions to the world, nor do I wish to see a room full of people claiming that they have met someone like you. 

I wanted to thank you. 
Thank you for giving me pain,  I will finally know what happiness feels like when I will be over you may be in an year.
Thank you for the tears, I will now know how to wipe them off the faces of others when I will be over you may be in an year.
Thank you for the lack of respect, I will now respect myself so much more when I will be over you may be in an year .
Thank you for momentarily weakening me. I will be now so much stronger, after being freed from you when I will be over you may be in an year .

Your darkness will never disappear,
just like my light will never fade.

Even a shattered mirror still reflects.

(Never again) yours,
The boy who will fix himself 

You may wander down paths for numerous lovers but you may find that no heart will make a bed for you in it, like mine did. You may kiss a thousand lips, but the brush of mine, lightly on yours might always be missed. 

Go out. Go along. Go and find someone else, like you said you already did. But know this: each time you call for love, it will bring you my name. It will bring you my scent. It will bring you my grace.