Do you know what the saddest part about moving on after a breakup is?
It's not putting a fake smile on your face at 1pm and laughing and giggling with your friends, telling then that you're perfectly fine and that you don't even care about anyone now, when your eyes keep on searching for her just to get a single glimpse at her face.
It's not those 1am sobs that you try to muffle into your favorite pillow that is now covered with your tear stains. Your pillow knows your story like no one else does, and has tenderly locked in itself every emotion you've ever poured out.
It's not the 3am breakdowns, when you cover your mouth with your hands to make no sound and your insides are howling, wanting to scream the hell out, even when you have no strength left in you.
It's not the talks you secretly have with her picture, confessing everything that you never were able to say otherwise. You pour out every story that you've wanted her to listen to, your every experience and your love for her.
It's not about holding a blade in your hand and wanting to end all the chaos altogether at once.
It's not your heartache when you want something that you very well know you can never have.
It's not when you look into her eyes, smiling like nothing has happened, when it is shattering you from the insides, making you bite your lips to stop yourself from breaking down.
It's not spending your nights starting at the blank walls of your room, imagining the countless possibilities you had together, and waiting for that one message from her which never comes.
It's not when your heart races and swoops down into a well of remorse and disgust for your own self after seeing her with him, loving him with all her heart, doing everything that you'd wished for.
It's not looking in the mirror and asking yourself why it wasn't you again and again, and then feeling worthless and telling yourself that you'll never be good enough.
It's not when you push everyone away because you think you're a broken piece of glass, sharp enough to hurt anyone who comes close to touch you.