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People write diaries. Their diaries describe their personality. I write on my blog. It describes me way too well. :D
My writing takes me places my mind never wanted to go
Everyone writes. From the ink of their thoughts, by the pen of their mind on the page of their face. Everyone writes.I love to write. It is a passion; a compulsion; something that gives me an avenue to express myself. I write when I am happy; when I am sad or when an issue touches my heart. I find inspiration to write in every aspect of life.
This blog is dedicated to anything and everything that fills my thoughts and occupies cranial space

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Namesake



“But Please help me. Where would I go?? Please Help Me”
“You can go to hell, for all I care.”
I remember, our last conversation, went something...exactly like this.
You were crying, begging me for help but I didn’t. In fact, I asked you to go to hell.
And now that when you are gone, I can’t stop but think why.
Why did all this happen? We were best friends forever, remember?
Growing up together, playing in those by-lanes of our society, enjoying every moment of our blessed childhood, when did we form this special bond? I fail to recall.
We went to same school, scored almost equal marks, cracked the same exam for our dream college and entered our dream world together.
And then, something happened, she happened.                    
She came like a new wave of fun in our already fun-filled lives, giving us one more ways to look at things, providing us the weekend getaways, making her way into hearts, both yours and mine.
I started to fall in love with her and I thought you would get a hint of that but you didn’t. I even started to wait for you to tease me by her name but you didn’t. And by the time I realized why, you both were busy making your own little world, dreaming of your future together, and jokingly saying that I would be the Godparent to your children.
Do you have a slightest of hint how much that pinched my already broken heart?
We were always equal, weren’t we?
Same social status, same academic performances, same zest, and same attitude.
Why did she choose you then?
Why not me?
I too deserved her if you did.
But stupid cupid struck the wrong arrow in her blind heart.
I broke off all ties with you two the day you proposed her on the last day of college, although I did cover it up with my “I am going to miss you when I move to the city for job” excuse.
And you bought it? Such a fool you were.
Once out of your love-struck environment, I did find a job and gave it all that I had.
What else did I have to do?
My love was now known to the world as your wife, and there was no question of marrying someone else.
I became what I am today, super rich, super successful and super single.
You came to my home that dark night, crying, bleeding, limping, bleeding, begging, bleeding.
You had an accident just outside my bungalow and needed help.
I of course didn’t let you know that it was me, and saw you leaving while I stood in dark in the balcony.
I called the police and informed them.
They must have reached your car, and that is how they called me back to say that you were gone.
And her too.
Dead, both of you.
And here I am today, arranging the funerals, hugging your relatives, looking over the food arrangements, holding in one hand your will and in the other, your son.
My Godchild.
My

Saturday, August 23, 2014

It Still Pinches

It's amazing how "anniversaries" can hold so much meaning in our minds and hearts.
In truth, an "anniversary" is nothing more than a date... an annual reminder of the specific day that a certain event occurred, in some previous year.

Therefore, the anniversary date itself... holds no power.
Really, it's just another day of the year.
And yet, we give certain dates so much power over us... (for obvious reasons.)
That's because... on that day... however long ago... something happened... and our lives changed forever.

Sometimes... for better.
Sometimes... for worse.

"Happy" anniversaries provide us with the chance to celebrate, to come together, to reminisce. These are the dates that give us something to look forward to, something to smile about, something to be proud of.
Those "good" anniversaries... have their way of making everything else... seem worthwhile.
But then... there are the "other" anniversaries. The tragic anniversaries.
The anniversaries that simply exist... as painful reminders... of the days we'd like to forget.

Often, in our minds, the devastating anniversaries seem to hold even more power than the positive ones. 
Because those particular dates have their way...
of bringing the pain of our past...
into our present.

The anniversary of a tragic life event can take us right back to that day... to the very moment it happened.
And no matter how much time has passed...
No matter how hard we've tried to let go...
No matter how much we've worked to move forward...

Each year, on that anniversary date, we're right back there... re-living the worst day of our lives.

Meanwhile...
We don't want to go back to the pain.
We don't want to remember the loss.
We don't want to accept our reality.

Regardless... that anniversary date says: You have to. It's real. It's time.

Even still... anniversaries are only able to do these things to us, because we allow them to do so...
We give that specific date... so much power over us.
And yet, we just can't help ourselves.
Because...
We still wish it wasn't true.
We still hope we'll just wake up.
We still... miss them.

That's why I'm writing today.

August 23rd is here...

On August 23, 2013, I experienced the sudden, unexpected, devastating loss of my dog, Bruzo. A year later, I still mourn his death.

When Bruzo came to my life, he was a puppy of a month only. We both grew up together. I still remember the day when I argued with my father to have a puppy. Then dad bought Bruzo.
Even still... God had other plans...

On August 23, 2013, Bruzo died from a long illness. I always thought he would live a long time and I would be with him when he pass and I'm so sorry that I wasn't.
I never got to say goodbye.
 
It was the fateful, tragic day... that changed all the days after.
As I sit here today, with yet-another August 23rd is here
I just wish I could hit Rewind.
Or maybe even Stop.
Or at the very least... Pause.

Unfortunately... life just doesn't work that way. He's really gone... forever.
He's never coming back.
For me, it's the day that somehow makes his death... even-more official.
The day that makes it... real... all over again.
The day that seems to represent the undeniable truths... of the reality I so desperately wish to deny.

And... worst of all...
It's the day when I have to acknowledge...
that I'm so much farther away...
from the last time I held my dog.

For 1 year now, I've been desperately clinging to every possible memory of that little boy. And yet... each day, I can feel him slipping further away from me.

Today, certain things are a little harder to recall.
Certain memories have become a little foggy.
Certain moments with him... have almost left me altogether.

While these realizations break my heart to pieces... I guess that's just how the mind moves on.
As much as we wish to retrieve every moment, every detail, and every encounter in the past...
We simply can't remember everything.
Because if we held onto every past memory, then there'd be no room for all the present 
memories...

Thus, our current reality... would cease to exist.
Which means... no matter how much we try to hold on...
At some point... the past begins to slip away from us...

Regardless, my love for Bruzo will never change and will never leave me. I'll never stop wishing he was here. While our time on Earth with our pets is never long enough... most people are blessed to spend many, many years with their beloved dogs.

And even though I was beyond blessed to experience Bruzo's presence... if even for just one second of my life... I can't help but feel like I was cheated... and like he was cheated, out of all those future years we deserved to have together.

He deserved that.
I deserved that.

There was no chance to say goodbye.
It's just insanely unfair
.
*Dear Bruzo,
Its more than a year... since I last saw your face.
Every day since... I've longed for you.. I've wished for you... I've hoped for you.
For me, those feelings will never, ever go away. No matter how long I live... no matter how much time passes, there will never be a day when I don't need you anymore.
While there will never be another YOU on this Earth...
I'll always live... through you.
And you'll always live... through me.
I'll be there soon
I can't wait to see you again.




Sunday, August 03, 2014

A Two-Sided Love Story

She’s lying in bed with sad songs playing in her
Ipod,
The door is locked and her curtains are drawn,
On the TV screen is The Notebook,
An empty tub of her favorite ice-cream lies on the
floor,
Smudged with make-up, she doesn’t care how she
looks now..Her fingertips are strained from wiping her mascara,
Her face is occupied with eye liner stained tears..
Their last conversation plays in her head..
She thinks to herself that she’ll never get him
back..

He’s on the edge of the bed and the door locked..

His room is pitch black from the absence of lights.
Black ops is in its box and controller on the floor..
There’s a hole in the wall where he punched earlier..
His headphones are about to burst from the loud music..
No one can hear his sobs or see what mess he is now..
Running his fingers through his scrambled hair..
Lost in his deep thinking with eyes puffy from endless tears..
He’s replaying their last conversation in his head
thinking she would never take him back...

Monday, July 14, 2014

School Re-Opens:

Today- 14, July School Re-Opens.
But today mummy didn't woke me up to Get Ready instead even though I wanted to Snooze the Alarm but finally woke up.
I was not sleepy while brushing my teeth but was doing it speedily bcoz I might get late.
I didn't felt warmth or cold nature of water but just quickly took bath.
Instead of checking if my Compass Box is Ready I was checking whether my Smartphone is charged or Not.
Today also will be wearing a Tie but of course for different Reason.
Value Education is Replaced by learning ways of Value (money) Generation.
New Design Cartoon bag is Replaced by Laptop bag.
Yesterday Night I was not busy Polishing my shoes but was busy Checking emails.
Instead of discussing with friends how Vacation went I will be discussing monthly targets with colleagues.


New Lessons from Teachers are Replaced by PowerPoint Presentations.
Maths calculations are replaced by Excel Sheets.
Will not be sharing Lunch in Recess but might have Brunch.
That PT period is now some long Lost Dream.
Instead of fighting for Batting/Bowling. .I'm Racing to catch Seat in the Train.
There Monitor was busy watching who is talking in class, here Boss is eager to catch 1 mistake.
Once I was crazy to Open my Mouth in Rains n try to catch water droplets. Now just thinking how will Rains effect Trains n Traffic.
Date is Same but Years have Passed, so are my feelings towards this date. Might be that time it was bit scary but Today its Sweet Memory.
Today is 14, July School Re-Opens and I will Love to Go to School n Share that Small Bench with my Friends.
Dear School Love You, Miss You....

 Thanks

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Dad..How are you?



Hi Papa
Hi Dad
How are you…. No… No…not like that, I actually want to ask you,
How are you? I am asking you because I didn’t ask you this… Never
Maybe because I was a bit scared of you as a child… you were very strict
You scolded me for almost everything…. Whether it be my studies or for sleeping late in night or waking up late in the morning, sometimes for wandering here and there or chit-chatting with my friends outside our home…. And my friends…let’s…let’s not even talk about them, You never liked them, all of them seemed to be loafers to you who would spoil me.
I never felt that close to you
I mean how could I… you never showed your emotions in front of me
You were always like this… the strong person… who can never be affected by anything in this world…ups and down…highs and lows….you were always the same…rigid, unmoved.
I still remember when my entrance exam results were out you were about to leave for your office. My friend called and informed me about the result, and as soon as everyone came to know that I have cleared it, maa, didi, dadi everyone was full of joy and excitement. They started informing the neighbors and distributing the sweets. Mom had tears of happiness in her eyes. But you…
You just came to me with a smiling face hugged me and said congratulations… well done and you left for work….that annoyed me a little…. I mean why do you have to be so calculated all the time… and maybe that’s why
 I never felt so close to you.
I never felt like asking you… How are you?
And what should I ask you about your well being, even if you have any problem, you are not going to share it with me…. And even if you do… .how will I help you?
I mean it’s you who has solved all my problems…. who has an answer to all my questions…. who knows what is right and what is wrong and if you cannot figure it out then how could I?
But last time when I visited home something different happened… you asked me to book your tickets because the online booking portal was too complicated for you to understand.
Even when I was there, you never told me to sleep or wake up early. You asked me about the reservation of my flight a several times…because you were scared that I might miss my flight.
I was surprised.
But what shook me was the sadness and a tinge of tear in your eyes when I was leaving.
My dad… my father is afraid because I am going far from him….. this is not you, this is not my father….my father never cries…he is not emotional….he is strong, strict and tough.
I never liked these traits of yours from childhood but now I am missing them…. The fact that you are not that strong anymore is making me weak….knowing that you won’t be able to solve all my problems is making me feel insecure…
and the fact that now you might need my help for doing as simple a task as booking an online ticket makes me feel responsible.
Now I feel you were all right the way you were….probably that is how a father is supposed to be,,, that is a father’s role in a child’s life to make us strong, to make us independent, to make us tough, to prepare us for challenges of life and to keep us grounded when we overcome them, that was your role and you have done it perfectly.
Now it’s my turn to take care of you, it’s my turn to play my role….
Now its my turn to take care of all your responsibilities and solve all your problems. I know your problems will be nothing as compared to what I used to pose in front of you. I know I wouldn’t even have to work half as hard as you have done to make me what I am today. But however small my part might be, I will play it with full conviction…. that’s what I have learned from you.
That’s why I thought I should start with the question that I never asked…

How are you, Dad?
Dad..How are you?

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Love with a Stranger

What happens when you fall in love with a random picture of a stranger...
well that's what I tried to capture here... have a look


          I Sit here quietly and watch That Face,
Face In That Picture Which I found Before Few Days.
Picture Of A Girl Whom I Have Never Met,
But Still in my life she hold Important place
 
I want to know you, to see your Real face,
To take you away to a better place.
You feel so right, too good to be true,
I just can't stop thinking of you.

My friends say that I might regret,
Losing my heart to a girl I've not met.
I say there is nothing I can do,
I cannot help thinking of you.
 
I Know You Are Somewhere In This World,
But Only One Place Where I found you was My Heart.
God With This Picture I cannot Live this Life,
please Bring That real Girl In My sight.


I Know Even If i find you I cannot win your heart,
as there must be someone in special in your life.
Even i am into relations that i cannot escape,
But i Am sure we will become Great friends.
 
 
I believe you were made especially for me
But wonder if that could possibly be
I'm tired of being so alone and blue
But I always smile when thinking of you!!
 
 
Close My Eyes And imagine Things,
I am holding your hand you are walking with me.
                     you are speaking with me and i am staring your face,
                            Everything appeared so real though it was fake.
                                  
 
 Even if poor me never find you in my life,
                          I will always meet you in my dreams when i sleep.
I will continue this poem another day,
As There Is no one to listen what i say.
There are few pending work that i have to do
But whatever I do I will be Thinking Of you. :)

Sunday, January 26, 2014

When ignorance is bliss

When ignorance is bliss,
‘Tis folly to be wise.
When rationality is rare,
‘Tis sinful to raise one’s voice.

Where tolerance is extinct,
‘Tis a futile try to reason.
Where masses are blind,
‘Tis fruitless to have a vision.
When darkness is sovereign,
‘Tis useless to follow the light.
When apathy prevails,
‘Tis arduous to end the plight.

Where murderers are hailed,
‘Tis effete to long for peace.
Where barbarians reign,
‘Tis illusive to live with ease.

When bullets speak,
‘Tis difficult to hold a pen.
When terrorism rules,
‘Tis rare to hear a good omen.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Han Ab Main Bada Ho Gaya Hu

Is shahar ki bhaag daud me aa to gea hu par aage kya krna hai kuch pta nhi hai
Khud kamane to lga hu par in paiso ka krna kya hai kuch pta nhi hai
Khush to boht hu yhaan aa ke par phir bhi kabhi kabhi raat ko bistar par akele lete ghar ki yaad to aa hi jati hai
Hostel ka takia mulayam to hai but maa ke godh wala sukh nhi hai
Yahaan aakar aatam nirbhar ban to gea hu par phir bhi har kadam pe pita g ka saath hona yaad aata hai
Mandir gurudware to bahut hai par dadi ke aashirwaad ki baat hi kuch aur hai
Dost to bahut hai jo jaan tk dede par wo bachpan ke dost kuch aur hai
Khaane ko bahut kuch hai but maa ke hath ke khane ki baat kuch aur hi hai
Ghar se chala tha to ek tarfa ticket krwai thi wapsi ki ticket ka kuch pta hi nhi hai
Paiso ki daud me paise to aa gaye hai par wo chothi khushian khaan reh gayi hai kuch pta nhi chla
Aj bhi kisi dost ko ghar jate dekhta hu to sochta hu ke ticket ghar ki mai bhi krwa lu
Ghar jaane wali relgaadi me main bhi beth jau par is shahar ki chaka chaund me agle hi pal wo khyaal bhi dur jati hui relgaadi ke saath khatam ho jata hai
Meri performance se mera boss to khush hai par gharwaale sochte hai ki mai unse dur ho gea hu,
Kyunki Shayad mai bda ho gea hu
Ab aise lgta hai ki
Wo din kuch aur the
Tab main bacha tha
Ab din wo nhi hai
Han Ab mai bda ho gea hu

Wednesday, January 08, 2014

Love is.....

Love is want. Love is need.
Love is impossibly imperfect.
Love always pays the bills on time but forgets your anniversary. It gets you frozen yogurt on the way home but leaves it in the car. It refuses to change the baby’s diaper but spends hours rocking the baby to sleep. It doesn’t write you poems or give romantic speeches but when you’re sad, it suddenly says that one right thing. It rarely thinks to buy you flowers but always thinks to plug your phone into the charger at night.
Love always wants to talk to you whole night but at the same time make sure that you sleep on time in night. It wakes up early in the morning to make you awake for your work. It saves money as much as it can to buy you gifts. Love is thinking of you and crying in the middle of a romantic movie because it is missing you. Love is saying 'Hate You' repeatedely after a fight and then suddenly saying love youuuuu.......
Love tries.
Love is forgiving. Love lets you get away with a lot. It grants forgiveness before you ask, but oftentimes makes you say sorry anyways, because it’s good for you to be humble. Love knows it will hurt you too. Love fails, time and again, but believes every next minute is a new chance to get it right.


Love is forgetful. It forgets old words and old wounds. And even when it remembers, it also remembers to stay kind. Love has the worst fight of your life with you and then, right after, shares a cold coffee and splits a plate of chaat. It will leave the last gol guppa for you.
Love understands your weaknesses. It doesn’t mock that you are scared of driving on highways or you get cranky if you’re hungry. It knows you have to drink your tea really, really hot. It will expect you will complain about your burnt tongue later. Love will be quiet when you don’t feel like talking. It will laugh uproariously at your lame jokes during a party to save you from embarrassment. Love is loyal.
Love is your cheerleader. It believes in you. It goes along with your crazy ideas of writing a book, becoming a chef, launching an art business and tries its best to help you achieve your visions. It will edit poorly written first chapters, eat inedible crème brûlée and gasp amazedly at your blobs of paint on canvas. It doesn’t hold it against you when you fail. It encourages you. But because, you need it sometimes, it will tell you to stop when you are being insufferable and cut short your pity party.
Love changes perceptions of beauty. Love is fond of love handles and stretch marks. Love strokes your grey hair and remarks how distinguished it makes you look. Love teaches you to find the ordinary, extraordinary.
Love is not a substitute for reality nor does it ask you to live in a more fantastic version of it because love lives real life. And in real life, love knows, there are good days and bad days. And a whole slew of so-so ones. Love gets through all of them, sometimes with style and pizzazz, other times with angst and bitterness. But it gets through.
Love flips your idea of humanity upside down. You think you know people and then you see what they will do for love’s sake, how far they will stretch the limits of themselves to care for the one they love and it makes you swallow, hard. Love will make you witness divinity.
Love is fluid. It changes with time in its expression and manifestation. It will be a spark, a raging fire, of flutters in your gut one day. Years later, it will be a steady burning ember, a sense of stability as solid as a rock and all flutters can usually be attributed to indigestion. Love will bring you Hajmola before you ask.
Love doesn’t always make you happy. But it makes you better. Happy too, but also unhappy. Because love knows that its central function in your life is to help you grow. Growth hurts.  Every day, love changes you to become a version of yourself you didn’t know existed. Expanded. Stretched somehow.
Love doesn’t ‘break’ your heart. It splits it open, so that more of what you need can enter.
Love is a choice. You make that choice every single day, every single minute.
Love is sacrifice, compromise, tolerance and a whole bunch of other scary words. It wants to leave you sometimes but it always remains. It wants to kill you sometimes but then imagines the subsequent loneliness. It turns away from you only to turn back again. It buries itself into the very core of you, so you don’t know where it begins or ends.
Love is a paradox. It is awkward and graceful. It is forced and natural, kind of terrible and absolutely hilarious. It is restful. It is wild. It is hurtful and healing. It is gentle and tough. It is confusion and clarity. It strengthens you and makes you vulnerable. It ties you down and helps you fly. It is as rare as a pearl and as common as breath.
Love is fierce. It is very often decidedly mundane, mind numbingly ordinary and easy to overlook, but still, if you know how to look at it, it’s really quite astonishing.
Love is beautiful, it is necessary, and if you allow it, instinctual, but it is never what you think it will be.
It is always much, much more.


Thanks